Thursday, November 29, 2012

things i think about.

Getting drenched to my skin in the rain. The sky right before it’s about to pour, the cool scary breeze that warns you about the storm that about to hit. I love it. I love getting wet in the rain. There is an emptying yet fulfilling feeling about it. Its happiness. I think about the time when we got wet in the rain together, and instead of trying to get inside, we kissed, like there is no tomorrow, in the rain. Knowing deep down that this might never happen again, hopeful nevertheless. That is my most fond memory of you. When nothing else mattered and the skies rejoiced with the glee in my heart. The way the clouds rumble, making my heart beat faster with nervousness and anticipation. Often blamed to be gloomy, rain is my favorite weather, I love the splattering on the windshield, the little puddles that become a lake for all the origami boats, the announcement of the oncoming rainbow, I love rain.

I also sometimes think about the time we rode the rush-hour subway and you took a chance of standing closer to me, and I fell for you all over again. I sometimes think about the close escape you made from my house, had it not been for that, I would have probably had a very different life right now.

Christmas lights. It’s true, the Christmas cheer is infectious. Especially with the city decked up in Christmas trees and the empty trees that are covered in a million tiny lights. It makes me happy on the inside like nothing else. It also reminds of when your mom would send this truly delicious cake to my house. It reminds me of the innocence of the young, hoping and praying that Santa has over looked the mischief and still brought them stockings full of gifts. It reminds me of stars in the sky that shine so bright, but for once I don’t have to look up for it. It reminds me of Christmas carols that we learnt in the choir and subsequently the hours we spent with each other. All the stations on the radio and every store are talking about last Christmas and all they want this year. I see promise of a new beginning, of new resolutions and of new forgiveness. When I see Christmas lights, I think about the evolution of mankind, that has driven darkness out of our lives with a brilliant invention.

I think about all the things I still have to learn about when I hear you talk. And I think to myself, what if I am not able to. What if I don’t learn everything there is to learn. What if I miss something crucial, and get anxious. And then I relax and smile, and remember what a long way I have come from being an insufferable know-it-all teenager to a humble adult.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Keats showed this to me. He and many others introduced me to poetry. Being awful at it, made me appreciate it even more. Every time I read a stanza I fell deeper and deeper in love with the many meanings that 4 lines can hold. The realization of the freedom to interpret it any way I please was exhilarating. So was the guess work, when trying to figure what the poet really meant to say.

High school. I love high school because it reminds me of how utterly clueless we were of everything but considered ourselves nothing less than her majesty. We think, we have everything figured out, and everyone judged, but little do we know our lives outside this school is about to do a back flip. It reminds of simpler times when just a glance at you across the basketball court was enough to know that you mirrored my feelings. When every romantic song that ever was written was the story of our lives, when just holding your sight for a few minutes was priceless. It reminds me of friends turned enemies turned friend turned acquaintances. And the other way around. It reminds me of my first dance with a boy that gave me butterflies so bad, that I thought I was going to cry. It reminds of how the brain is capable of making the simplest situation a circus.

Music. The food to our soul, without which no moment is complete. How would we ever be the best of friends if I hadn’t sung the most horrendous songs obnoxiously in your ears I don’t know? How every moment of your life would be incomplete if not for the background score going on in your head?

Privilege. This is something not a lot of us think about. I didn’t, until I was asked to, and the comparison of notes shocked me. All my life there were things I took for granted, never questioned or even hated, were things considered a privilege for others. Thinking about this gave me perspective like nothing had ever done before. It makes you think, how shockingly different my life have been if I was born in my neighbors house.

I think about religion and god sometimes. I think about how sophisticated god is and how crass religion. Man made for control of people; it has tarnished the value and importance of recognizing the superpower. I think about how different the world we live in would be, if there was no concept of god. Would we still worship the sun, the water, the fire and the land? Or would we be living in a super advanced world where cars were considered prehistoric. Would there be countries and wars or would there be just nomadic life. It amazes me the role religion has to play in a person’s life.

Sometimes I think about forgiveness and the role it plays in our life. I read somewhere that forgiving is letting go of the hope that the past will change. I always think about how easy it is for you to ask me to let go, that it only hurts you if you can’t forgive. And I think nothing other than time gives you the strength to forgive. There are a lot of people I know who have wronged me. And I did nothing to deserve it. And some of them I have forgiven, but none of them forgotten. Because yes those experiences made me who I am, (and I’m awesome) but some of them I would gladly go back and tell you exactly what I think about you. How you are not even worth being a sentence on my blog post. You are nothing but a speck of dirt in my life. That has been brushed away.
I think about a lot of things. But this is a snapshot of a random day.

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