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Showing posts from 2016

Borrowed Happiness

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So hear me out. Sometimes you life sucks and absolutely nothing is good. You have had a shit year, you don't have a job and if you do it's the pits, your love life is worse than your job scene, you are far away from every one you love, and you are don't really have a home. And its totally reasonable to be absolutely depressed and cynical because good things are avoiding you like the plague. Even if every single of those things are happening to me and my life totally is the dumps, I am happy. This is my way of dealing with unhappiness this year. I am borrowing happiness from those around me. While I have nothing to be happy for, those around me do and that just makes me feel fantastic. My best friend in the whole world is getting married and that single handedly has made the universally accepted trash year 2016 worth it. Not just one, but 4 more of my closes friends have decided to seal the deal in the coming year and their happiness makes me ecstatic. Their happiness is

Our Thing.

Kayaking was our thing. Laying under the trees on the grass was our thing. Watching tv but not really watching it was our thing. You making food for me, even though I am better at it was our thing. Bollywood was our thing. Mexican food was your thing that became my thing. Watching the sunset on your balcony was our thing. Dancing to cheesy songs was our thing. Watching youtube clips and laughing my head off was my thing that I hoped would become your thing. Driving in the car was our thing just because of how much time we spent in it. Video chatting every night was our thing even when we lived 20 minutes away from each other. Listening to music, drinking beer and just chatting on the couch after work was also our thing. We had all these things but you chose to focus on the one thing that wasn't. And that is what our story will be reduced to. 

Trigger

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Everything is normal and you are just watching a friends episode for the 23rd time while also searching for the end of the internet. And then suddenly it hits you like a brick. You freeze, and you have trouble breathing. You are taking deep breaths but it still feels like you aren't getting enough oxygen. Your brain is spinning, but you know nothing is actually moving. You are trying really hard to focus on just one stationary object but it feels like you are on a really fast moving carousel, everything is a blur.  You feel like you need to get out of your body, and maybe if you bleed it out it will feel better. But you don't do that obviously because thats very stupid. It's like missing a step on the staircase in the dark, its that lurch in your stomach but you don't know how long it will last. The last time it was ten minutes, the time before that it was thirty. It could be a lot longer this time. You are freaking out even though a part of your brain knows you

Iris

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There is something very intimate when you look into someone's eyes. It can sometimes make you forget everything that you have been thinking about. You can have full conversations with your best friend only using your eyes, when you are surrounded by too many people who can't know things you need to communicate. You can use your eyes to apologize to someone, to share a smile with someone, to express desperation, to express horror and anger and to show desire for something or best of all to roll them at someone too basic. Then there is the greatest of all use of eyes, as shown perfectly in this song up to a minute and twenty seconds, when you are searching for the most elusive of all emotions. I look at you, you look up, I look away. I look up and catch you looking at me and still I look away. This little dance of peeks and glances, and I hope you are braver than me. We look at each other a little too long and know we aren't just friends anymore. You almost begin to re

Outside my window.

Fall. A september to remember, an october full of splendour and a november to treasure. It's nature's way of showing us that everything is beautiful even as it is dying. By every measure autumn is my favorite season of the year. I do prefer to call it fall of course, because my first experience with it was in the US, therefore fall it is. It springs on you one morning in a cute little way when 5 leaves on the tree in your driveway will have turned pink. And then bam! ten days later the whole tree is pink and orange and a wonderful bit yellow. You can never get enough of this season either, the fantastic things that happen to the leaves never gets old. It's also when all the wonderful things happen. Oktoberfest, halloween, diwali, birthdays, bonfires, apple picking, apple pies, pumpkin pies and everything in between. Every leaf is now a flower, it's like a grand finale of the year. Outside my window, the leaves are changing, the sunset is even changing, it's

Lost things

Things you will never get back. 1. Your favorite book that you lent to a friend's friend. 2. Your first kiss. 3. The time you spent crying over a lost love. 4. The feeling you get when you are about to get somewhere you never even dreamed of going to. 5. The feeling you get when you give up an opportunity you know you will never get back. 6. The way you were before you read or watched something significant for the first time, not knowing that you will never be the same again. 7. Words that you said in anger without thinking them through. 8. The scarf you gave your freezing friend. Make sure you give your second favorite, because you are never seeing that again. Thanks Lina. 9. Your graduating class, be it school or college. You will never be in a room full of so many people you love or so much potential again. 10. The time when your only worry was who got more maggi among your siblings or when you could spend all afternoon shooting things with your imaginary gun. 11. Y

Weird AF

Today will go down in my personal history as the weirdest day that has ever been. I had particularly atrocious meeting with a lawyer regarding my future which sounded more and more like Meghan Trainor's NO by every passing minute. After finding out that no I cannot do the things I have been planning to do for the last 4 months and that my career track is back to a stand fucking still, I found myself walking dejectedly into a mall looking for something to eat. Just after refusing a sales person asking me to try something this super cute 88 year old man asks me what am I doing in the mall at this time of the day. He proceeded to tell me that since the mall floors are smooth, and its cool in there and there is good coffee he is in the mall chilling, but why is a 25 year old girl in the mall at noon on the thursday. He asked me why I'm not married, because that's something all old people just do I guess, he joked about he was the youngest person there because he ran into a

The End.

Every good thing comes to an end. However good they maybe, they will end. Some will end in fifteen days, some in minutes, some take years and other even longer like lifetimes but they all end. Friendships, relationships, love stories, travels, careers and in the end, lives. How foolish are we to think so highly of our passions, and our adventures to think that our stories will mean anything to anyone except us. In the great big universe that there is we are nothing but a blink of an eye; here today gone tomorrow. Every book in the world tries to teach us to either get rid of temptation or to give in to it and we do, one or the other, in the end only to realize that it makes no difference at all. And it makes you wonder, what was the point of all of that, all the aspirations, the yearnings, the wants and the ambitions.