Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Today, I am not proud to be an Indian

On any other day, I am a proud proud Indian. I can go on and on about all the things that make India incredible. I believe in India, in its people, in its culture, in its development and some rare times even in its government. Today is not that day.

Everyday, when I go on to TOI or The Hindu’s webpage, I hope not to read about rape in the headlines. Everyday my hope is shattered. To this day, I cannot think of once, that this has not been the case. And it’s not because the most recent one is making (inter)national headlines, that I suddenly felt like writing about this, however on any other day, a blog with this headline would have made headlines. I have actually noticed a decline on how often I go onto the new websites anymore, because I don’t want the start of my day, reading about rapes, female foeticide/infanticide, murders etc.

Today I am ashamed to be Indian. All of us who live outside of the country, but love it just as much, feel we are the ambassadors of our country. I consider it my job to make India look good, I denounce slumdog millionaire, because I don’t want people to see India in a negative light. Deep down I know what is portrayed is true, and therefore my feeble attempts to cover it, by always talking about the positive things in and about India. Today, I have nothing to say.

It’s disgusting how desensitized we have become to such news. And the worst part is, for every 3-4 rapes that make the headlines, there are countless others that go unaccounted for. Its scares me to even fathom what women in India have to go through. I feel happy that I took the decision to leave India when I did, and feel stronger than ever to never want to go back. Because I’m not ready to live in a society like this. I want to be able to ship all my family and friends out of India, so I can protect them from these gruesome acts.

Capital punishment is not the answer. The answer is to publicly humiliate these men first by cutting off their genitals followed by stoning them till the beg for death. And no this does not even come close to being harsh, for what they have done. And while we are at it, do it to a few more -- so the others get fair warning. And this sounds harsh and its only so because I'm angry. But in hindsight, maybe its not a very bad option either. It is barbaric. In a society that can’t stop talking about how 'cultured' they are, how they say Namaste because they are so humble, how the 'mother' is everything and more, we have a fat number of hypocrites. Even though half the Gods we have a female, and the biggest festivals celebrate women, the plight of women in India is comparable to those in countries that are run by terrorists.

I am an extremely positive person, full of hope that someday India will be what we all know it can be, a first world country. But I’m sorry, we are nothing more than a country full of uncouth, uneducated people who get instigated at the drop of a hat, but do nothing about it. Women hold up half the sky, and until we as a country believe this, we are going to remain where we are. And it’s easy to blame the men and the police and the government and the 'system' and the corruption, but I don’t see women doing anything other than protests holding placards anywhere in India. For every rape story that makes the newspapers, half off them claim the involvement of women. Today a dictatorship like annihilation of people doesn't seem half as bad. Unless we equip ourselves, to help us, no one is going to do it.

Today is not a good day to be an Indian. I am struggling to find anything good to say about my country. 

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Top 10 of 2012.

These are listed on no particular order, maybe timeline wise if nothing else. I know the last point is like 3 points, but whateves, this is my blog.

1. Fun - We are young/Some nights.
This song reminded me of what a powerful period of life I am in. the feeling of invincibility that only comes with being 21.

2. Getting a job
More than anything else this year, this moment made me eternally grateful to God and the universe. For giving me a real chance to prove myself. 

3. Getting to address the international students’ reception.
Being one of the two people who got this opportunity, and getting nominated for it, made me realize that not only do people trust me to represent them, but also that I have great responsibility to not completely screw up, with all those people looking at me.

4. Commencement 2012.
the overwhelming feeling, being in a room with 2000 others, not knowing how many of them I’ll ever see again, what each of us will make of our lives and potential that graduates have to make a difference. 

5. First wedding of the house/Sister's big day
This was by far the highlight of the year for obvious reasons. All of us cousins got together for the first time in 10 years, we danced and ate and drank and shopped till we couldn’t anymore. Most of all, seeing that weddings really do bring out the best and worst of everyone.

6. Leaving WV/Moving to UT
Everything I had known for 4 years, claimed my own, I knew the roads like the lines on my palm. Everything that had owned me, and everyone, was going to change. Moments like this, make you realize how much you take for granted, and how you never value something when it’s there. Moving to a new place where I didn’t know a single person was extremely exciting. The new mistakes, the new streets, were just labeled to be mine.

7. Meeting a best friend for the first time in 4 years.
This was probably the most anticipated and planned day of the year. So naturally, nothing went according to plan. It was a beautiful, sunny day in my most favorite city of New York. Catching up with someone you used to know, to see how much they have changed and how you are an entirely new person. But in the craziness of it all, you still get along, you still love them, you still can stand each other.

8. Starting to grow up/Being employed
The Humility that came with being surrounded by freakishly smart people. Learning that from this moment on, I am on my own. Just me and my decisions and their consequences.

9. Buying my first car
Just for the sheer greatness of it all, this moment was a big deal. being behind the steering wheel, gives you a surge of control, and an adrenaline rush from realizing that you really can decide how and what happens to you.

10. Making new friends/Reading Stardust/getting a massage.
The first one is obviously the hardest, by the time you are done with college and all its fun; you look for different things in people. You also realize that everyone has a loco side and a dark side. And the only thing you can do about it is, accept it and get over it. The book I am talking about reminded me of the first point. We are young. It reminded me of my love for reading. How words can transport me to a completely different world, and how that escape is the best of all. How there will always be a piece of me that will want Hogwarts to be a real thing. Because only those who believe in magic, see it. And well to end the year on a good note, I got myself my first massage. And maybe because it was my first, or that it was just so damn good, I was in heaven. I knew what it felt like to achieve the nirvana state of mind. I had no thought in my head for 2 hours following that. Just peace. Nothing else. It was beautiful and so so necessary at the end of this crazy awesome year. 


Monday, December 10, 2012

t'is the season - to be thankful.

I wish I didn’t have to do this so often, but disclaimer: this is my blog. I can write whatever I want in it. Stop judging. If u want to judge go somewhere else. Plenty of other blogs out there asking for your opinion. Not this one. So, bitch please.

So over time, I have heard myself claim that I have always had more guy-friends than girlfriends, and how they are so much lower maintenance than the girls. While at any given point, that is and has been true, but the few girls who have stuck out, deserve every bit of maintenance they require.

There is one I have always known. I knew her since kindergarten. We were destined to know one another. There is no one else like her. One look in her eyes, I know her heart and she knows mine. We can even tell what the other wants to hear, on the phone miles apart. she is brilliant, because she is beautiful; she is clever and solo fucking smart. she knows just when to clip my wings, because she knows me just too damn well. she is my soul mate and I will forever and ever love her. we don’t even have to try when we are around each other. the occasional I love you is enough for us to know that we are in love, even if that's all we exchange. she has been a constant in my life since I was 3.

There is another who I consciously remember as being my first 'best' friend. I made her cards, and she made me some. we had stay overs and tried to do girly things, and failed miserably. she gave me my first reader's digest. she is an alter ego in many ways, and I guess that's why we complement each other so well. she is brilliant because I know, when all else fails, she is solid.

There is a third, who is the hardest to maintain. and also the most worthy of it. she is me in a different body, but times 10 on the crazy scale. it’s hard to keep her happy, but it’s something I love doing, everyday. she is the person I can say the craziest thing to; confide all my fantasies and our friendship is strong enough that we don’t laugh at each other on the face. she is just as confused as me, just as mental, just as romantic and just as utterly lost. she is my soul sister, my high school savior, my personal punch bag and everything a best friend should be.

The next one came a little differently. I wanted to be friends with her before I met her. well that’s because I was devoid of female companionship prior to that, but anyway. she is beautiful, she is elegant, and she is simple and just every bit so complicated. she is the perfect girl-friend (emphasis on girl). even I feel like behaving like a girl when I’m around her. she knows exactly what to say to comfort you at any time, she does not judge and she just loves. she fights for things that are worth it. and also sometimes for things that are not. she has some issues, but oh well, so do I. she is my favorite project to work on, I am hers. she is the exact opposite of me when it comes to boys, but we still like the same boys. she is my photo booth buddy. nuff said.

The last one, because 4 bffs are not enough, is a recent addition to my collection. she meets me halfway on everything I say or think. she is half like me and half a different person. she represents hope. she reminds to be humble and to be cocky at the same time. and I teach her to be fabulous in return. she is every bit a diva a girl should be and bad ass when it comes down to things. she is very different from my usual choice of friends and thus so much more special. she takes the cake when it comes to saying it like it is, and not being afraid to give her opinion her thing. I love her, truly, madly and deeply.

These girls have taught me everything I know. I owe you one.

P.S. - if you recognize yourself and are offended by what i have written, i apologize in advance. because this is my most sincere-est form of appreciation. And i love you with all my heart.