Thursday, November 29, 2012

things i think about.

Getting drenched to my skin in the rain. The sky right before it’s about to pour, the cool scary breeze that warns you about the storm that about to hit. I love it. I love getting wet in the rain. There is an emptying yet fulfilling feeling about it. Its happiness. I think about the time when we got wet in the rain together, and instead of trying to get inside, we kissed, like there is no tomorrow, in the rain. Knowing deep down that this might never happen again, hopeful nevertheless. That is my most fond memory of you. When nothing else mattered and the skies rejoiced with the glee in my heart. The way the clouds rumble, making my heart beat faster with nervousness and anticipation. Often blamed to be gloomy, rain is my favorite weather, I love the splattering on the windshield, the little puddles that become a lake for all the origami boats, the announcement of the oncoming rainbow, I love rain.

I also sometimes think about the time we rode the rush-hour subway and you took a chance of standing closer to me, and I fell for you all over again. I sometimes think about the close escape you made from my house, had it not been for that, I would have probably had a very different life right now.

Christmas lights. It’s true, the Christmas cheer is infectious. Especially with the city decked up in Christmas trees and the empty trees that are covered in a million tiny lights. It makes me happy on the inside like nothing else. It also reminds of when your mom would send this truly delicious cake to my house. It reminds me of the innocence of the young, hoping and praying that Santa has over looked the mischief and still brought them stockings full of gifts. It reminds me of stars in the sky that shine so bright, but for once I don’t have to look up for it. It reminds me of Christmas carols that we learnt in the choir and subsequently the hours we spent with each other. All the stations on the radio and every store are talking about last Christmas and all they want this year. I see promise of a new beginning, of new resolutions and of new forgiveness. When I see Christmas lights, I think about the evolution of mankind, that has driven darkness out of our lives with a brilliant invention.

I think about all the things I still have to learn about when I hear you talk. And I think to myself, what if I am not able to. What if I don’t learn everything there is to learn. What if I miss something crucial, and get anxious. And then I relax and smile, and remember what a long way I have come from being an insufferable know-it-all teenager to a humble adult.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Keats showed this to me. He and many others introduced me to poetry. Being awful at it, made me appreciate it even more. Every time I read a stanza I fell deeper and deeper in love with the many meanings that 4 lines can hold. The realization of the freedom to interpret it any way I please was exhilarating. So was the guess work, when trying to figure what the poet really meant to say.

High school. I love high school because it reminds me of how utterly clueless we were of everything but considered ourselves nothing less than her majesty. We think, we have everything figured out, and everyone judged, but little do we know our lives outside this school is about to do a back flip. It reminds of simpler times when just a glance at you across the basketball court was enough to know that you mirrored my feelings. When every romantic song that ever was written was the story of our lives, when just holding your sight for a few minutes was priceless. It reminds me of friends turned enemies turned friend turned acquaintances. And the other way around. It reminds me of my first dance with a boy that gave me butterflies so bad, that I thought I was going to cry. It reminds of how the brain is capable of making the simplest situation a circus.

Music. The food to our soul, without which no moment is complete. How would we ever be the best of friends if I hadn’t sung the most horrendous songs obnoxiously in your ears I don’t know? How every moment of your life would be incomplete if not for the background score going on in your head?

Privilege. This is something not a lot of us think about. I didn’t, until I was asked to, and the comparison of notes shocked me. All my life there were things I took for granted, never questioned or even hated, were things considered a privilege for others. Thinking about this gave me perspective like nothing had ever done before. It makes you think, how shockingly different my life have been if I was born in my neighbors house.

I think about religion and god sometimes. I think about how sophisticated god is and how crass religion. Man made for control of people; it has tarnished the value and importance of recognizing the superpower. I think about how different the world we live in would be, if there was no concept of god. Would we still worship the sun, the water, the fire and the land? Or would we be living in a super advanced world where cars were considered prehistoric. Would there be countries and wars or would there be just nomadic life. It amazes me the role religion has to play in a person’s life.

Sometimes I think about forgiveness and the role it plays in our life. I read somewhere that forgiving is letting go of the hope that the past will change. I always think about how easy it is for you to ask me to let go, that it only hurts you if you can’t forgive. And I think nothing other than time gives you the strength to forgive. There are a lot of people I know who have wronged me. And I did nothing to deserve it. And some of them I have forgiven, but none of them forgotten. Because yes those experiences made me who I am, (and I’m awesome) but some of them I would gladly go back and tell you exactly what I think about you. How you are not even worth being a sentence on my blog post. You are nothing but a speck of dirt in my life. That has been brushed away.
I think about a lot of things. But this is a snapshot of a random day.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Strawberry fields forever

There comes a time in everyone's life, when they get the realization, that there is too many things to do and too many places to see and very little time.

This realization can come at many different times in life, or at any stage. It can come when you graduate high school, when you graduate college, when you are nearing the end of a really long relationship, when you get you first real job and hence ur first big paycheck, or when ur 48. I can say with much conviction, that this is a life changing moment in a person's life. It usually affects all the immediate people around them. Partners, roommates, love interests, parents, friends, siblings etc. and if the counterparty is caught off guard, it can be very discerning for them.

Here I'd like to repeats Peter Parker's uncle's words. With great power comes great responsibility. So here is the deal; power because when this enlightenment hits you, you are infinite in that moment. You are responsible to break it to those around you as gently as possible. Trust me it sucks being at the receiving end of this news. You cannot be responsible for how they react, as only time will tell, but it's in ur hands how you deal with their reaction.

More times than less, people do not react to change positively. Especially if you know any engineers, you'll know what I mean. They are the most pessimistic of the lot. Even if they have dreamt of owning a Porsche all their life, they’ll buy a Honda because of its proven worth. Anyhow, I digress, I'll save my rant on engineers for another blog. But the point is, people don't like change, if it's not in their comfort zone, or out of the ordinary, they will be resistant to it. It's how you ease them in to it. Sometimes ripping out the band aid in one swift motion is good, sometimes you just have to rip it, slowly.

This moment, keep in mind isn't always a good thing. People have been known to do just really stupid things when this happens. So, always take someone into confidence and well confide. Tell them how you feel, and what you think. It doesn't have to be your BFF or your bf or ur sibling. It can be anyone you think you have a connection with. Another side note, a lot of times when you think there is a connection, there probably is. Explore it. Sometimes a person who doesn't give to many effs about you, probably has good advice in such a case, because ur decision doesn't affect them.

And well, if you've made up your mind, and decided to go for it, after countless hours of one part of your brain arguing with the other part of it. Then seriously bro, just go for it. Close to nothing is permanent. People will be pissed, and hurt and angry and then they will finally understand. And well if they don’t. Oh well. At least you got something out of it. Again, after you have seen everything and done everything and it kind of sucked and those people give you the I said so look. Oh well, its fun to be stubborn sometimes.

And I’m not a dark person, but hey if you die sky diving, at least you know you were having fun doing it. And seriously, this does not mean do stupid things. Please use ur brain. Don't be an idiot.

The fact of the matter is, everyone at some point in their life, tragically, grows up. Then, things you thought were cool are not cool anymore, things you could do being a fool are foolish, getting wasted on a Tuesday night is not acceptable, long road trips to nowhere seem to be a waste. And that just sucks! so do it while you can, plus when you get older, you have to be responsible and stuff.

In a familiar land, not too long ago, I knew of a girl who broke up with the best guy she had ever been with, because she wanted to 'see the world', be someone before she could be someone's, do stupid shit instead of making out. And well I don't know the end to the story yet, but she is seeing the world. Going places. Having fun.

The fact of the matter is that in the end, it's not what anyone thinks of your life, but what you think of it. You may lose people along the way, and it will hurt and looking back you’ll wish you didn't do that. But in the end....quoting linkin doesn't even matter :)

When you tell your many grandchildren or your friends children what a mental person you were growing up, they won't believe you and neither will you. So get away with ridiculous stuff as long as you can. You want to have a juicy story to scare your grand kids right?


As a teenager in an Indian house, there was nothing I rebelled against more than the institution of arranged marriages. We are the children of technology, we have seen it go from nokia 5110 with the antennae to the iphone5, and we have seen technology evolve faster than anyone else. We moved quickly from black and white cable TV to the satellite that showed us everything from friends to how I met your mother. So naturally, we saw the same movies as kids in any other country, we saw love in every (H)bollywood movie as it was no bad thing. And yet everyday at home, there was a struggle to accept that you can be made to spend the rest of your life with someone your parents pick. When I was 16, I wouldn’t even wear something my mom picked, leave alone marry it.

However the amazing thing that growing up does to you is realizing that nearly a billion people couldn’t be wrong if they have regular everyday happy lives like everyone else, even though they married their parents’ choice. Coming from the generation where I would be dead meat if I introduced a guy as my boyfriend to my parents, just for plain audacity, we have come a long way. And I believe in giving credit where it’s due. Our parents have come from backgrounds where if you met the guy even once before you married him, that was more than enough, to accepting even the proposition of courtship is a big deal. So kudos to them to trying to adapt. And here is the kicker, for everyone who is in denial, parents - your kids are out there and they are doing it. They are dating, they are making out, and they are doing things u would have never imagined. Kids - your parents know what you are doing. They are not stupid, u might disagree, but they really know everything you are up to, they know who you are texting under the blanket and what books you’re really reading. Just chill people.

So here is my piece on arrange marriages. 2 words - they work. It’s only logical, if you think about it.
Your parents ALWAYS want the best for you
Your parents love you
Close to no one knows you better than your parents than you, as much as you disagree, it’s true.
They will not ever knowingly put you in a spot where you don’t want to be.
Now that I have established the debate. If you can let your friends set you up because they think they know someone who will be perfect for you then you can trust your parents too.
Convenience. Your parents like him/her, his parents like you, you can stand them too, and he probably has a decent amount of money, because your parents aren’t going to pick a hobo for you to hook up with.

And here's the thing, the days of not seeing the guy before marriage are a thing of the past. The fact that he could turn out to be a creep is a possibility that can be eliminated by a simple thing called the internet. These days, people go through hundreds of photos before they even decide to look at the credentials. Kids have an equal say on what they want and what they don’t. And trust me, they have seen more of the world than you ever will, they have 20 year or so advantage over you, you would think they could judge a person’s character. No?

So my favorite place to eat as chipotle and my favorite thing to get is the burrito bowl coos I can pick and choose and make it exactly the way I want it to taste. Arrange marriages these days are nothing short of that. I’ll give you a list of stuff I want. e.g.: makes more money than me, is between 5'10 - 6'2, aged between 22-27, should be into staying fit, should not be a prick, should know how to party, should read, should be chill, but also intelligent. See so simple. you make your made to order / DIY list and more than likely the person who is picked fulfills at least 90% of your requirements. No one has such good odds when you 'fall in love', falling in love always leaves you in a situation when you have to deal with imperfections. You don't even have to worry about compromise that comes so often with love.  And I am as big of a romantic as the next person. Always dreamt of proposal in the middle of my favorite band concert and all those things that you see in your favorite holiday movie. You want love to happen and everything just falls into place.

Any marriage arrange or love has a success rate of exactly the same - 50/50. No one can say that the guy you have dated for 10 years will not turn out to be a weirdo, or that the guy your parents accidently set you up with is actually the man of your dreams. But it’s a chance as good as any other. Instead of falling in love and then getting married, you marry and then fall in love. And yes, what if you don’t. Well if you don’t then you don’t. People date each other for years and then one morning, they fall right out of love. Happens to everybody.

All I’m saying is, if I’m single at 24 and not remotely interested in anyone, I’m going to call my mom and tell her to start looking. Someone recently told me how love marriage is a hot tea that gets cold over time while an arrange marriage is a cold tea that warms up over time. And I couldn’t agree more.