Monday, June 10, 2013

Bittersweet Symphony

What do you do, when you fall in love with someone who only exists in your head?

This person exists, but you barely know them. you like what you know and you fill in the gaps with what you want. with things you want them to be. you fall in love with the idea of this person you have created in your head. you don’t know, but you hope they will fill the mold you are carving out for them. you argue with yourself that if they don’t live up to your expectations, you will adjust and chill. 

you even say you have no expectations. you don’t. you really don’t. you are just going with the flow, you will take every day as it comes, and just see how it works out. you hope and imagine that person is also making sand castles in the air about you. they aren’t. but you don’t care, the feeling of being in love is magical.

you convince yourself that you will make them fall in love with you, when you meet. it will be like magic, because he is everything you want. but is he? or is the idea of him everything you want? and if you are lucky it will go somewhat like how you had planned it 500 times in your head. 

you over compensate for his less than perfect behavior, masking it under the human element. you cover up for his bluntness, with honesty and straight forwardness. you ignore his ordinary tshirt and no effort to look the part to boyishness and free-livin. 

and you say it doesn’t matter, because it wasn’t going to go anywhere anyways. you resolve to never text again, but you can’t help this time because there is something about him. it never used to bother you, before. boys came and boys went, you were unmoved. you chewed them up and spat them out. you left before they could leave you.

but this time, you are the sucker. you have fallen hard for this joker. there is nothing special about him, he doesn’t even probably like you the way you adore him. but this time you hang to his every word. you make yourself available for him for everything. 

and you can’t behave yourself, you don’t know whether to play hard to get, or just shower him with all your admiration and attention. you don’t know where your massive ego is hiding. its usually the centerpiece of everything you do or say. you think, this has to be something more than the usual infatuation.


But are you really in love, or have u just created this person who doesn’t exist. you may never know, cos you are probably not going to see him again. but how do you let go of the 2 perfect days you had? or are you just bored out of your mind, and therefore focusing on someone so ordinary and unavailable, because it seems like a challenge?

2 comments:

  1. Wow, that was something! I am going through something very similar and was wondering about it the same way...

    ReplyDelete
  2. thanks, i am glad someone can relate. i thought i was the only idiot :)

    ReplyDelete