Tatyana in medias res

Things you will never get back. 1. Your favorite book that you lent to a friend's friend. 2. Your first kiss. 3. The time you spent crying over a lost love. 4. The feeling you get when you are about to get somewhere you never even dreamed of going to. 5. The feeling you get when you give up an opportunity you know you will never get back. 6. The way you were before you read or watched something significant for the first time, not knowing that you will never be the same again. 7. Words that you said in anger without thinking them through. 8. The scarf you gave your freezing friend. Make sure you give your second favorite, because you are never seeing that again. Thanks Lina. 9. Your graduating class, be it school or college. You will never be in a room full of so many people you love or so much potential again. 10. The time when your only worry was who got more maggi among your siblings or when you could spend all afternoon shooting things with your imaginary gun. 11. Y...

Today will go down in my personal history as the weirdest day that has ever been. I had particularly atrocious meeting with a lawyer regarding my future which sounded more and more like Meghan Trainor's NO by every passing minute. After finding out that no I cannot do the things I have been planning to do for the last 4 months and that my career track is back to a stand fucking still, I found myself walking dejectedly into a mall looking for something to eat. Just after refusing a sales person asking me to try something this super cute 88 year old man asks me what am I doing in the mall at this time of the day. He proceeded to tell me that since the mall floors are smooth, and its cool in there and there is good coffee he is in the mall chilling, but why is a 25 year old girl in the mall at noon on the thursday. He asked me why I'm not married, because that's something all old people just do I guess, he joked about he was the youngest person there because he ran into a...

Every good thing comes to an end. However good they maybe, they will end. Some will end in fifteen days, some in minutes, some take years and other even longer like lifetimes but they all end. Friendships, relationships, love stories, travels, careers and in the end, lives. How foolish are we to think so highly of our passions, and our adventures to think that our stories will mean anything to anyone except us. In the great big universe that there is we are nothing but a blink of an eye; here today gone tomorrow. Every book in the world tries to teach us to either get rid of temptation or to give in to it and we do, one or the other, in the end only to realize that it makes no difference at all. And it makes you wonder, what was the point of all of that, all the aspirations, the yearnings, the wants and the ambitions.

A checklist of sorts.  Lists on the internet are so irresistible. Thought Catalog and Buzzfeed endlessly thrive on this format, and I contribute to an unhealthy percentage of those list readers. So here is one, the quarter century milestone. What I have accomplished and what I am yet to make peace with and things that are still work in progress. This is not something you need to apply to your life, because you and I are as different as different can be. Make your own list.   1. Parents - this is the big one. Make peace with your parents. Get to know them, as infuriating as it is, get to know their political party preference and their views on homosexuality. Reason with them why you are right or try to see what their point of view is. And if they have, give them credit for how far they have come to accept changes in the society from when they were kids. The last two years of living with my parents gave me tons of opportunity to do this, though it did end i...

In the last few years, I have read a handful of books that have impacted me in a deeper way than I imagined they would. Freakonomics for example was something I could not put down, I kept nodding my head in agreement with every theory and also realized how my approach to economics in academia was fueled by the behavioral aspect of it. Anthem, by Ayn Rand was another that opened my eyes to the power of I. But nothing could have prepared me for the affirmation that came to my self while reading 'Conversations with God, by Neale Donald Walsch'. To preface as I always do, I am not a religious person, although I do identify as a Hindu. I read the Bhagwad Gita when I was in high school and realized quickly that a lot of the things that practicing Hindus do in the name of religion are not necessarily aligned with my interpretation of the book. I believe more strongly in spirituality which comes from inside and not by public display of God adoration. So while I believe in evolut...

Of course I am going to blog about it. The opposite of love, is fear. And today, I'm letting fear win. We are taught all our lives that love is conditional. That people will only love you if you act a certain way. Everyone from your parents to your teachers tell you that you are desirable if you do the right things and less so if you don't. So obviously when you're interacting with other human beings who are full of doubt just like yourself, you are subject to their pre-set conditions as well. We can never trust them fully when they say they will never leave you. Because human experience says other wise. It is why humans love, then destroy then love again. Because we need to know that even after we have destroyed something it will come back and love us. Love sponsors fear sponsors love sponsors fear... .... and so in the moment you pledge your highest love, you greet your greatest fear. For the first thing you worry about after saying I Love You is whether you y...

“When a boy tells you he loves you for the first time only to become silent like a folded sheet of tissue paper not wanting you to decrease him into the truth, do not crack your face into the fullest crescent moon at the tapered bottom of a blackened sky. He never meant a single word of any of it. He is just a boy, remember? Only a boy, do you remember?” - Edwin Bodney, “When a Boy Tells You He Loves You”