Tatyana in medias res

It is a true life of privilege if you are always the one who loves less, who feels less, who cares less and invests less. And the only time you figure this out is when that privilege is taken away from you. All your life you have this skewed sense of what love is like and what it should be like and how it should make you feel. Then one day, you find out how wrong you have been. You had never before tasted the agony of not knowing, the restlessness to find out if this is it and the determination to move mountains to make it work. Whatever ‘it’ is. It is like absolutely having to remove the patch of scabby dry skin that is formed over a recent scratch even though it may hurt, you have to do it. Like having to touch the plate right after the server tells you ‘be careful –it’s hot’. This is like the epiphany that Ranbir has in Bachna Ae Haseeno, when he decides to right his wrongs of the past, even though he knows it won’t secure his future with Deepika. But it’s when you see...

Erlebnisse. (n.)the experiences, positive or negative, that we feels most deeply, and through which we truly live; not mere experiences, but Experiences. The only thing good about 2014 was that it was marginally better than 2013, which let’s say was a terrible year. 2014 though was all over the place, it made me a 16 year old at times and a 29year old at other times. I’ve became ‘jaded’ about things I wasn’t ready for. I also realized that being vulnerable is the best way to truly feel things both good and bad and there is nothing wrong with feeling things as opposed to what I thought earlier. Feelings were for the weak. But really they are for those who can deal with them. True to my resolution of the year past, I was more confrontational and therefore more truthful to everyone around me. This one is going to roll over to the next year though because there is a lot more room for improvement. This year a continuation of last year’s second half was also sort of a limbo perio...

The ratio to put all other ratios to shame. 'Scientist all over the world studied the most beautiful faces from all the different countries to come to the conclusion that all of those faces were considered beautiful because they had the face with the golden ratio. But they wasted their time, they should have just studied your face.' That is the perfect compliment. My heart may have actually expanded a few mms from how hard I blushed. But what is the golden ratio when it comes to things beyond the skin, beyond the superficial obvious. Is it finally realizing what people have been saying all along 'when you know you know' or not believing that you are actually capable of feeling that. Is it realizing that this will finally be your thing, and you are going to have to work very hard on it but you don't mind. When you can see all your flaws and all of his flaws and they fit well together. When even after knowing everything about them you still love them, you giv...

One of those facebook tags of the top ten books that have influenced me etc got me to writing this post. So here goes 1. The Harry Potter series, by JK Rowling. - for obvious reasons, no book list is complete for me without this entry. Things I learnt from it - friendship, bravery, and above all the power of love.  2. Stardust, by Neil Gaiman. - this was a birthday gift from one of my favorite persons and taught me how to never stop looking for magic in life.  3. Anthem, by Ayn Rand. - this is the most recent addition to this list, it came at the right time and taught me the power of I. 4. Only Love is Real, by Brian Weiss. - this book taught me everything that I needed to know about death as a teenager and also how only love is real.  5. Bhagvad Gita, by Vyasa. - again as a teenager I picked it up just to brush up my sanskrit and found out more about positive energy that you release in the atmosphere around you and how it affects you and everyone around you t...

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened. And know what you give out to the world is what comes back to you, exponentially. So keep giving out the love and just have some patience and watch it come back and engulf you. A thought that has been taking shape in my head for the last few months keeps getting stronger every day. I have come to believe that there is a time and place for everything, even for love. Love comes to you in many ways, many times and every time with greater intensity. Every time you have a brush with love, you try to keep your self protected from it, then you open up to it, then you are vulnerable to it and then it climaxes. Of course the climax can be the beginning of a long long time or the end of the very short but appropriate time. But I think, that however long or short your affair with love was, it is important to remember how good it was and that its over now. Nothing will ever be the same again, your views on certain things will be tai...

I think the person who breaks up with another person is often blamed unjustly. As a society we need to give more credit to the person who has the courage of pulling out of a relationship before it goes bad. For a long time I felt very guilty of breaking a heart, the one I had cared about for so long. But I knew before he did, and saw what he chose to unsee where the relationship was headed and took the decision for both of us. So I did it, I unplugged. And I gladly accepted my position as the break-uper and knew that all the hate I got from him and his friends was justified to an extent, because had he dumped me it would have been exactly reversed. I knew I wanted to be there for him anyway he needed me, just not in a romantic way. Because before everything else, he was first and foremost my friend and I never wanted to change that equation. But now that almost an equal amount of time has passed since the break up as the duration of our relationship. I cannot and will not make an ...

While I was spending all my life trying very hard not to become my mom(as a teenager; for obvious reasons), I didn't realize that I became my dad. And nothing makes me more proud. While I take after both of them, my mom in her looks, her charisma, her confidence and her temperament too. I am happy to say I take on my dad in his work ethic, his loving and his giving back. Over the last few years, I have realized what a truly privileged life I have had only because I was born to him and not for anything substantial that I have done. If I have pride from my mom, I got modesty from my dad. I can write for days about how I am going to be forever indebted to him, stories will include how he tolerated(not really) me having a boyfriend(s), me failing exams, me doing stupid shit in general, him flying to america for 48 hours just to attend my graduation because I threw a fit, to how he has been there for me through every goddamn stupid life situation, and how no other man will be good en...