Tatyana in medias res

The opening line of one of my favorite movies, Love Actually is - as far as I know, when the twin towers were hit, none of the phone calls of people on board were messages of hate or revenge, they were actually of love. On days like today when I get upset and disappointed with the state of the world we live in and how we are all doomed and how unjust it would be to procreate, to bring another life into this nasty world, I think about the lines from the movie. Today when the explosions took place in Boston, social media burst with outrage and disgust and everyone, well, was just as let down as I was. However the single piece of news that has stayed with me 6 hours later, is about how the runners after crossing the finish line, kept running so they could donate blood at the hospital to the victims. Being the kind of person I am, situations like these get to me fairly easily. I feel sad and angry and upset very quickly and also extremely cynical at the same time. But the th...

Something weird happened today. I cried. At work. So embarrassing. So one of my colleagues is transferring to a different location and today was her last day. I have only known her for like 6odd months, but for some reason her going away, made me a lot more emotional that I thought it would. Partially, of course I will miss her, as I had grown very fond of her, and she is a cool cat to hang with. But nothing to make me the mess I was. And this wasn’t like a courtesy tear or two, this was full on balling, and it just wouldn’t stop. I was crying silently at first, then had to use napkins, and then finally actually get up and take a step outside so I could get some air. Intense. This has like never happened before. Ever. After some introspection I think apart from the main reason, that I will feel her absence at work, I realized there were a couple of other things too. Coming to a new city and finally adjusting to people here and getting comfortable, I felt like my safety net was...

I'm sorry. About a lot of things. I’m sorry I lead you on. I apologize for not making my intent clear right from the beginning. I’m sorry that somewhere along the way, we stopped enjoying the moment and planning the future. I’m sorry I didn’t stop you when I should have. I’m sorry I was too afraid to hurt you every day, so I did it all at once in the end. I’m sorry that instead of communicating to you how I really felt about the situation, I swept it under the carpet, hoping if it was out of sight it would be out of my mind too. I’m sorry because I assumed you were on the same page as I was, or that I refused to see that you weren’t. I’m sorry I was too afraid to confront my feelings. I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to say that I didn’t love you, the way you loved me. I got used to you. Being with you was comfortable and easy. I didn’t have to try, I didn’t have to be somebody or attempt new things, and you accepted me for who I was. Being with you became second nature...

On any other day, I am a proud proud Indian. I can go on and on about all the things that make India incredible. I believe in India, in its people, in its culture, in its development and some rare times even in its government. Today is not that day. Everyday, when I go on to TOI or The Hindu’s webpage, I hope not to read about rape in the headlines. Everyday my hope is shattered. To this day, I cannot think of once, that this has not been the case. And it’s not because the most recent one is making (inter)national headlines, that I suddenly felt like writing about this, however on any other day, a blog with this headline would have made headlines. I have actually noticed a decline on how often I go onto the new websites anymore, because I don’t want the start of my day, reading about rapes, female foeticide/infanticide, murders etc. Today I am ashamed to be Indian. All of us who live outside of the country, but love it just as much, feel we are the ambassadors of our country. I ...