Tatyana in medias res

When you try your best and you don’t succeed. When you get what you want, but not what you need. When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep.  The last few weeks have been the most trying weeks of my adult life. Being a new adult, I haven’t had as many, but these are the first of their kind. In some ways, it’s one of those situations that put everything into perspective. It reminds you to never get too comfortable, never plan more than two months in advance, and more than anything - that the only thing that's constant is change. I think the reason this change has been so frustrating is because it is because of nothing other than pure bad luck. And when you have your dream job in a fairly good city and some really good friends and you are prepared to enjoy this for at least a little bit. You don’t want all of this taken away two weeks after you bought a matching dresser for your apartment. There is no one to blame, maybe the government, but I guess you can blame the governm

What do you do, when you fall in love with someone who only exists in your head? This person exists, but you barely know them. you like what you know and you fill in the gaps with what you want. with things you want them to be. you fall in love with the idea of this person you have created in your head. you don’t know, but you hope they will fill the mold you are carving out for them. you argue with yourself that if they don’t live up to your expectations, you will adjust and chill.  you even say you have no expectations. you don’t. you really don’t. you are just going with the flow, you will take every day as it comes, and just see how it works out. you hope and imagine that person is also making sand castles in the air about you. they aren’t. but you don’t care, the feeling of being in love is magical. you convince yourself that you will make them fall in love with you, when you meet. it will be like magic, because he is everything you want. but is he? or is the idea of